by Nathan Chua
It’s too hard. I can’t. I must. I should or should not. These are just some signs of a person (1) believing in the reasons that the mind offers or (2) signs of objectifying him or herself.
Here’s a test for how reasons may not be as powerful as we think they are. Think of a few reasons why you can’t stop your addiction to binge watching movies or television series online. Now, think of a few reasons why you shouldn’t be wasting countless hours of your life watching them. Now consider this, if reasons did make us do things, then all of us would have been doing the right things all the time because they come from the right reasons. So in effect, reasons are just thoughts and nothing more. It is up to us how we behave whether such reasons exist or not.
And how is it that we objectify ourselves? Let’s take for example someone who was dear to us in our family dies. Here’s where we play the I should or I must game. I should be able to buck up and keep doing what I’m doing. I mustn’t show any emotions for being emotional at this time is inimical to myself and the people surrounding me. If we look deeper, this means that we ought to have a switch inside of us pretty much like a robot or a computer. Our thoughts tell us that we ought to be as efficient and switchable as that desktop in front of us.
Unfortunately, this almost always doesn’t work, because how do we accomplish switching ourselves off? Well, that trip to the bar with flowing alcohol is one way. Others are getting lost in busyness at work or at home, comfort eating, and of course, binge watching. Some of us go to pills that doctors prescribe to get rid of unpleasant feelings. All of these do serve the purpose of making us feel better for a while, but ultimately comes with a pretty huge price tag, a chunk of our lifetime spent on what only matters to make us feel good temporarily, and little or nothing to do with a meaningful and purposeful life. Like how empowering does it feel to have a bunch of pills in your pocket to kill your depression or anxiety?
We also objectify ourselves with the roles that we create for ourselves. I have always been the wedge that kept mom and dad away from getting at each other’s throats. I have always been the successful migrant who keeps the family finances together. I would always be the caretaker of the clan. These are just some of the many roles that stick to us like cattle branding.
We even objectify ourselves by the values we aspire to live by. We use our values to bludgeon ourselves. I must always be kind and generous. I have no option but to say yes all the time because to say no means I would be a bad person or a hypocrite.
The one thing that most of us forget regularly and quite often, is that the challenge of this life is not being in control of our inner workings all the time like a computer or a robot.
The challenge is being a person, being human.
You and I are human because we hurt when we lose someone we love. You and I are human when we make mistakes that make us feel we haven’t lived consistently with what truly matters to us. You and I are human because we exist beyond what our minds tell us who we are. You and I are human because we do things that our rational minds cannot comprehend. And that something incomprehensible is the thing that is most akin to being human, and that’s none other than our capacity to choose the hard stuff for no other reason but love, and caring for ourselves and others.