If you’re living life feeling tossed around by difficult thoughts and feelings, maybe it’s time to discover what truly matters to you. Once you do, your only job is to live it purposefully and intentionally, one challenging moment at a time.
Tag: Counseling
Coping With Anger
Anger is a feeling.
It is not the problem.
Feelings are neither good nor bad, right nor wrong.
The question is not whether anger should be there.
The question is what happens when we follow it.
Can we express our anger with dignity?
Can we use it in the service of what matters?
It is never about perfection.
It is about becoming more aware of the consequences of our responses and choosing the path that works best.
Is Love a Feeling?
Some people stay in relationships long after they have stopped asking whether a meaningful life can be built there.
Others leave at the first sign of difficulty, assuming that the absence of excitement means love has ended.
Love requires effort.
But effort cannot make every relationship workable.
And the loss of butterflies does not mean a relationship is unworkable.
The challenge is learning the difference.
Is Love Blind?
We readily acknowledge chemistry on a first date because little is at stake.
But when the stakes become higher, we often stop asking whether a relationship is workable and start asking how to make it work at any cost.
Love requires effort.
But effort alone cannot turn every context into one where a meaningful life can be built.
The Error We Make When We Judge
This may be one of the most common errors in human thinking.
We explain behavior by looking inside people when we should first be looking around them.
What does it mean to be perfect?
The word perfect comes from the Latin perfectus.
It originally meant complete.
Not flawless.
Not superior.
Not better than others.
Complete.
The problem-solving mind spends much of its time convincing us that something is missing.
Yet before we were successful or unsuccessful, admired or rejected, confident or insecure, we were already human.
Perhaps perfection is not becoming someone else.
Perhaps it is living fully as the person you already are.
You are not an unfinished human waiting for permission to exist.
When Doing Right Ends Up Feeling Wrong
There is a common assumption that change in therapy means stopping the wrong thing and starting the right thing.
But sometimes the very thing you’re trying to do to improve becomes a reminder of what you’ve struggled to stop doing.
The new habit reminds you of the old one.
The exercise reminds you of past failures.
The goal reminds you of how far you still have to go.
And when you inevitably stumble, it can feel less like learning and more like proof that change is impossible.
Good Therapy vs. Identity Therapy
Good therapy should not turn suffering into identity.
Its goal is to help people reconnect with life, relationships, meaning, and workable action.
Panel Discussion on Scaling Up Contextual Behavioral Science from Individuals to Societies
This video features a discussion hosted by Nathan Chua (One Life Only Counseling) with guests Eugene (an ACT practitioner and psychiatrist from Malaysia) and Jacob (a licensed counselor from Wisconsin).
Panel Discussion on Scaling Up Contextual Behavioral Science from Individuals to Societies
In this session, the panel explores how the principles of Contextual Behavioral Science (CBS) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be transitioned from individual clinical work to addressing broader societal issues. The discussion covers personal journeys into CBS, the role of language (Relational Frame Theory), and how system design can promote natural cooperation.
Key Topics & Timestamps:
[00:00] – Introductions and the personal journeys of Nathan, Eugene, and Jacob into ACT and CBS.
[18:01] – Scaling CBS: What changes when we move from helping individuals to influencing societies?
[22:42] – The different “spheres” of society: Cultural, technological, and political dynamics.
[24:21] – Marketing and RFT: How advertisers use behavioral science (often unconsciously) for capitalistic aims.
[30:58] – Human evolution and the challenge of cooperating in large populations vs. small groups.
[35:45] – System Design: Creating contexts where cooperation feels natural rather than coerced.
[41:59] – Observations from Malaysia: How “thought speak” and undercurrents of language influence racial dynamics and policy.
[52:44] – The decline of trust in modern societies and how RFT explains the shifting function of government.
[01:05:07] – Dreaming of Change: Practical ideas for reform in transportation, education, and academia using a CBS lens.
Panelists:
Nathan Chua: Author and Counselor based in Metro Manila, Philippines.
Eugene Koh: Psychiatrist and ACT practitioner from Malaysia.
Jacob Martinez: Licensed Professional Counselor from Wisconsin, USA.
Resources Mentioned:
The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert
ProSocial by Paul Atkins, David Sloan Wilson, and Steven C. Hayes
Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam
1984 by George Orwell (regarding “Newspeak”)
Better People, Better Country by Nathaniel/Starfly Chua
Two Shrinks Over Drinks: Navigating Wisdom & Psychology: A Conversation with Hank Robb
How can we move beyond just being “healthy” to living wisely?
In this episode of “Two Shrinks Over Drinks,” Nathan Chua sits down with Dr. Hank Robb, a seasoned psychotherapist from Portland, Oregon, and a prominent voice in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Relational Frame Theory (RFT).
Together, they dive deep into the philosophy of behaviorism, the limitations of the DSM “disease model,” and how small groups can drive large-scale societal change. Hank shares his unique perspective on making complex psychological concepts simple, digestible, and—most importantly—actionable for everyday life.
Key Topics Discussed:
[05:13] Technical Eclecticism: Why it’s okay to use diverse techniques but vital to stay grounded in a consistent theory.
[13:00] The Power of “We”: Moving from joint attention to joint intention in therapy and relationships.
[16:14] Creative Hopelessness: Understanding the transformation of stimulus functions—when letting go of a failing strategy opens the door to new opportunities.
[30:08] Misunderstandings of B.F. Skinner: A look at Skinner’s naturalism and why his denial of “supernaturalism” made him a controversial figure.
[53:30] Errors vs. Illness: Why focusing on “wisdom” and “wise choices” is often more helpful than traditional diagnostic labeling (DSM).
[01:03:00] Scaling Change: How principles from Eleanor Ostrom and small, value-driven groups can influence communities and even entire countries.
About Hank Robb: Hank Robb, Ph.D., ABPP, is the author of Willingly ACT for Spiritual Development. He is known for his ability to translate the dense language of RFT into practical metaphors that help clients “willingly acknowledge, willingly choose, and willingly teach.”
About the Host: Nathan Chua is a counselor based in Quezon City, Philippines, and the author of Better People, Better Country.
Connect with us:
www.onelifeonly.net
https://onelifeonly.net/order-the-book/ #ACT #Psychology #BehavioralScience
#MentalHealth #Wisdom #HankRobb #RelationalFrameTheory #Counseling #TwoShrinksOverDrinks
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7vnTD2k876ZMhfRi9A8VPn?si=SqFBTbaKSdek3pnVqSVrng