Values are not conclusions reached by logic.
They are directions of living that organize logic.
Values supply the direction, logic provides the route.
Tag: Psychotherapist Manila
Two MORE Shrinks Over Drinks! Video! Part 1
This is the second offering of our Two Shrinks Over Drinks series. This time we have a friend, who’s also a doctor and co-author of a book entitled, “Mastering the Clinical Conversation: Language as Intervention.”
Here you get another chance to eavesdrop on two MORE shrinks caught in a casual conversation. If you have ever wondered what it is like to listen to a couple of psychologists/counselors talk over a drink, well, here’s your chance!
We talk about a myriad of topics and it took two hours to do! In fact, this could have been topics that are fit for a whole day’s chatter!
So this will be the first part wherein we talk about:
– Dr. Villatte’s ACT story
– Philosophical framework in counseling or psychotherapy
– What Skinner referred to when he wrote about a pre-scientific way of explaining human behavior
– What we mean by an approach that has precision, depth, and scope; how this can affect the way therapists choose their approach or models of therapy, and how this can assist clients make decisions on the kind of therapy they want
Are you depressed? Video!
What makes One Life Only Counseling Services different? Video!
Why we love heroes like Waymond and Forrest
by Nathan Chua
I am no expert movie analyst or critic, so pardon me if I dwell into an unfamiliar topic for me. I recently saw the movie that won several major awards at the Oscars this year which featured a character named Waymond. I could not help but smile when I heard Evelyn (the name of the character who is his wife in the film) express her disbelief that her husband had just turned into some kind of superhero by saying to Waymond, “You? With the fanny pack?” There are now two movie characters portrayed that I can count as my all-time favorites. The other one is Forrest Gump, a character played by Tom Hanks in a film released in the 1990s.
My guess is that I am not alone in this. Key Huy Kuan who played Waymond, won best supporting actor for his role, and Forrest Gump the movie as I remember, did really well at the tills as well as the Oscars of that time. From memory, I think Forrest Gump’s success at the box office was unexpected, since most movies that did well financially up to that point were sci-fi or superhero movies. I guess the stories and message of these characters don’t go unnoticed by the public and the experts. They resonate to us in an odd way. They have something that they don’t have. So to speak.
Although I am quite sure that there are many other movies that depict such unlikely heroes, these two are for me, the most inspiring. Having been in business, I couldn’t quite understand back in the 90s why a character like Forrest Gump would make me feel so much admiration towards someone who was supposed to be just existing to survive. Since learning more about the workings of the mind from an ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) perspective, I have discovered what it is that made me gravitate to Waymond and Forrest.
There is one thing they don’t have that I have that makes them such admirable characters. It’s an ego.
Let’s do a thought experiment here:
We love our dogs. Ever wondered why? Since I work with couples a lot, I’d like to use this metaphor. If you have seen a male dog get snarly when its mate has gone off with another male dog, that’s part of their mating instinct. When the mate comes back to it or if the male dog has successfully fended off the competing male, then the couple can just go on being with each other without much of a fuss. It’s as if nothing had happened. With human couples though, it takes more time to get back to the usual interactions. We humans have a real handicap when it comes to being present with our lot in life. Any couple going through recovery from a transgression can admit that their thoughts can make them do things that don’t match the situation. They can be fast asleep and start a major fracas in bed even though they know they have important matters to take care of when the sun rises.
Another example would be if you forgot to feed your dog at the usual time. Guess what your dog will do when you finally present it with dinner? Will it snarl to show anger and frustration that you took your pet for granted? On the contrary, your dog will be extremely happy and grateful to you just hearing the familiar noises that come with dinner. Try noticing what happens if you forgot to prepare dinner for your spouse or kids. You could get an earful and maybe a night full of grumblings.
End of thought experiment.
There are subtle ways we project our egos. We can start noticing what image we want to present to the people we meet. Here’s one that may sound familiar: While you come a bit late to a party, you tell the people who welcome you about how busy you were with so many business meetings. Get it?
Waymond and Forrest are lovable characters because they just lived according to what is closest to their hearts and available to their senses:
For Forrest, it was his love for Jenny and Bubba, as well as Lieutenant Dan. Remember the scene where he punched a guy who was harassing Jenny? Once he got Jenny with him, that was all that mattered. Once he started the shrimping business and Lt. Dan came back to be his friend again, they were all that mattered.
For Waymond, it was his wish to be kind and loving to all and to have as much fun doing laundry and taxes with his wife, daughter, and father-in-law.
Both were without egos, and both with much love and wisdom that we all have at times, tucked away inside of as humans. There is a part of us that wants what Waymond and Forrest don’t have. The good news is, we do have the capacity to also not have what they don’t have. We just have to be more mindful of what it is that’s in front of us.
How to create lasting change in your relationship: Video!
Living with Purpose and Intent
by Nathan Chua
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever,”
Mahatma Gandhi
Have you come to a point in your life when you feel like as it says in the Bible, chasing after the wind? Have you ever felt like every day has become a pointless pursuit of comfort and tranquility? Has your life turned into an endless problem to solve? You go from fixing one problem after another. When’s the next challenge going to come? Will I be able to surmount the bigger ones down the line?
If you have, don’t worry, you’re not alone. I came from the same quagmire. Early in my career, I started believing that life was about fulfilling a role of being around to be the problem solver. Furthermore, I had learned from my history that the secret to the good life is the comfortable life. One in which I can be the great problem solver, conquering one obstacle at a time until there remain only the easier ones. I dreamt of eventually coasting along as I moved into old age.
I lived that way for the first 20 years of my working life. People around me would notice how I looked then. I often carried a tired and angry expression on my face; always on alert for the next challenge that comes my way. I was the hero who was always ready to come to the rescue.
To borrow a metaphor I saw in a YouTube video, you can view a rabbit running across from a window, but you wouldn’t know if that rabbit was going for a carrot or running away from a predator. I was like that rabbit that people saw from a window. One couldn’t tell if I was in business because I simply enjoyed doing it or if I was doing it to avoid the shame that comes if I had failed in business. For those who are new here, I spent the first 20 years of my career as a businessman. A failure in business meant I had failed my family.
You would probably understand why I often looked tired and angry. Tired because life has become a struggle and angry because I didn’t see any end in sight. Life was sending me challenge after challenge to surmount. Like the rabbit running away from a predator that eventually tires out, I was exhausted escaping from the jaws of my shaming, “Whatever happens, don’t be a failure,” thoughts.
One day I woke up and started noticing the hamster wheel I was on. It was as if I was living backwards. Like some of what I learned in psychodynamic therapy, I lived hoping to come back to the safety of my mother’s womb, wishing to get back to that fetal position of a tranquil life.
That tranquil life turns out to be a mirage. No matter how much we try to avoid it, life has its challenges and running away from the feelings and thoughts that these challenges come with, is like becoming a rabbit that spends most of its time fleeing a predator, although in my case the predator is my own worst fears.
You and I can pivot towards a life in pursuit of what truly matters to us. Rabbits run away from life-threatening circumstances. We humans though can run away from our thoughts and not just actual threats to our safety. It only takes the rabbit to notice when the noise behind the bushes was just a gust of wind to make it go and pursue food or a mate. Although it is difficult, we can start to make changes in our life directions by noticing if we are spending much of our energies running away from our unpleasant internal experiences, or if we are pursuing the qualities of being and living that matter to us.
The happy rabbit is the one that pursues nourishment and the possibility of a mate. Take it from there, are you willing to start pursuing the rich and meaningful life, even if it means that your fearful inner experiences will become more evident as you go. Maybe that’s what Gandhi meant in his words. His life was mostly about pursuing something that was good and noble, rather than about running away from the dangers his mind reminded him of. He pursued the irrational move to expose himself to the dangers of a life spent for the welfare of others, and paid the ultimate price. Nonetheless, he lived, not the tranquil life, but the meaningful one. He is the quintessential rabbit moving in the direction of what he wanted to do with his time…every single minute.
The Chess Game In Our Heads
by Nathan Chua
One of the awesome features of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) is the use of metaphors that makes counseling work more experiential and interesting. One that has recently become my favorite is how an ACT therapist, Chris McCurry, uses the chess metaphor so effectively. Here’s how I remember some of the ways he describes the chess game and how it is similar to the way our minds work.
Our minds have different thoughts with varying degrees of importance and likeability. Some are quite important while others are part of our mundane thoughts, like our plans to go grocery-shopping for the day. The important ones can refer to our sense of meaning and purpose, our thoughts about how we can face life’s tragic aspects, or our important relationships that require our attention. Now, as chess is a game of two sides of a battle, one side can represent our more positive thoughts while the other will be our negative ones. In McCurry’s illustration, he says that even if we feel like the positive side may have the upper hand at any given moment, there will always be at least one piece of the negative side that remains. We can attest to this fact simply by checking in with our personal experiences. How many times have we enjoyed a vacation and said we don’t have any single negative thought in mind? Probably not! If you are married, did you do so with nary a negative thought? On the other hand, how many times have you been caught up in negative thoughts and still have that little tiny voice inside you that says: You’re alright, don’t worry! As you can see, neither one can totally eliminate the other.
In Russ Harris’ version of the chess metaphor for the mind, he shares that each white piece actually generates a black piece and vice versa. Positive thoughts remind us of our negative ones! You can test this with your own experience. See what you sense if someone like me told you that you are the nicest kindest person on the planet! See what your mind does with that information. I can also start with a negative judgment. You are the worst most unlikeable person on the planet! See what you mind does with that too.
Did you sense that in the former your mind tells you: Hogwash! I am a kind person but certainly not all the time or not compared to everyone else? On the other hand, did your mind do the same opposite-thinking while hearing me tell you that you are the worst person on the living earth! Your mind may say something that goes like this: Yeah, you’re right, sometimes I do feel that way, but that can’t be right all the time!
As you can see in these illustrations that there are no winners in this game that we play in our minds. It is unwinnable as McCurry describes it. So it is hopeless trying to be the positive pieces in this war in our heads. The negative pieces just aren’t leaving for as long as we are alive and with our nervous systems functioning as they are as I write and as you read this post.
The question now is: Then who could we be in this chess game so that we can get out of this war and move on with our lives? The answer is the chessboard! We are the containers of these thoughts but we are not them! And being the containers, we don’t really need to care who wins or loses in this game. We can remain as witnesses to this war!
If you are able to write down your thoughts, then this is a practice in metacognition! Noticing your thoughts and noticing that you are noticing them! That’s a part of you that notices everything that goes on in your life! And with this capacity, we can then choose the particular course of action that is most effective for what is unfolding in front of us!
Furthermore, I love that Chris McCurry also uses the chess game to illustrate life and its tragic elements. As we play the game, we will eventually lose pieces as we go through it. The object of the game is to keep playing with the pieces you have left. This is a bigger metaphor actually of not just our minds but of life itself. If we live long enough, we will experience the bitter sweetness that life presents. As Steven Hayes, the developer of ACT writes in his best-selling book,
“You have only so much time on this earth, and you don’t know how much. The question “Are you going to live, knowing you will die?” is not fundamentally different than these questions: “Are you going to love, knowing you will be hurt?” Or, “Are you going to commit to living a valued life knowing you will sometimes not meet your commitments?” Or, “Will you reach for success knowing you will sometimes fail.” The potential for pain and the sense of vitality you gain from these experiences go together. If your life is truly going to be about something, it helps to look at it from the perspective of what you would want the path your life leaves behind to mean.”
Life gives us but one chance and it doesn’t come without moments when we have to say goodbye to our youth, old friends, and loved ones. Like the game of chess, let’s make the most of what we have at present and live our One Life Only as well as we can.
What Makes One Life Only Counseling Different?
One Life Only Counseling Services
Good counseling should help you need less counseling over time.
Counseling for Individuals, Couples, and Families
At One Life Only, we use contemporary approaches grounded in contextual behavioral science, particularly Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT).
Rather than simply asking “What disorder does this person have?” we ask a different question:
“What is keeping this problem going—and what can we change that will make a meaningful difference?”
This means counseling is not intended to become an endless process of talking about the same difficulties. Our goal is to help you understand the patterns keeping you stuck, develop more workable ways of responding, and eventually become less dependent on counseling—not more.
One Life Only may be a good fit if you are looking for counseling that is structured, collaborative, and grounded in contemporary behavioral science.
Our aim is to help you understand the patterns that keep problems going, develop more workable ways of responding, and build enough confidence and flexibility that counseling becomes less necessary over time.
If you need counseling for depression, anxiety, trauma, relationship (marriage, family) problems, insomnia, anger management problems, infidelity, teen parenting issues, grief processing, addiction, procrastination, work performance, and even weight issues, we provide both in person and online video counseling for your convenience.
Please text (preferred) or call:
Mobile Number: +63 917 886 5433 (LIFE)
Available also on iMessage, Viber and WhatsApp!
(The best option is to message this number through Viber or WhatsApp and we will gladly call you back or reply!)
Email:
Connect with us through Facebook, follow us through Spotify and YouTube.
Our office is located in Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines.
M Place South Triangle
8004 Mother Ignacia Avenue, Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines
The counselor is also an author!
Nathaniel Chua is the author of two books!
Writing under the pen name, Starfly Chua.
New Release!
Many relationship books tell us to find the right person or master the right techniques. Love, Contextually takes a different approach. It invites readers to see love as something we continually build within the context of two changing people living through changing circumstances. Drawing from years of counseling experience and contemporary contextual behavioral science, the book offers a compassionate, practical, and refreshing way to understand conflict, deepen connection, and cultivate healthier relationships.
Better People, Better Country: A Psychological Blueprint for a New Philippines,
published under the pen name Starfly Chua.
The pen name was chosen in homage to his grandfather and his ethnic Chinese roots, and reflects a preference for allowing ideas to stand on their own—without emphasis on personal visibility or status.
Here are selected endorsements from international colleagues and clinical experts:
This book is a fascinating personal exploration and cultural adaptation of contextual behavioral science applied to psychotherapy. It takes you, with great clarity and humility, from the philosophical foundations of functional contextualism all the way to its practical applications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The way it addresses the challenges of psychological well-being in the Philippines makes it a particularly valuable contribution.
Dr. Matthieu Villatte, PhD, Co-author of Mastering the Clinical Conversation: Language as Intervention
Better People, Better Country offers a transformative shift in perspective, moving from rigid cultural rules that invite moral shaming toward one of contextual understanding. Both deeply personal and extensively practical, Starfly Chua provides a psychosocial blueprint for change and progress at multiple levels of human existence. This book is an invaluable resource for the people of the Philippines because it moves beyond the exhausted cycle of demanding ‘better people’ and instead provides the tools to build ‘better contexts’ — systems that naturally support prosocial values that benefit citizens and country alike.
Lou Lasprugato, MFT
Peer-Reviewed ACT Trainer
For far too long, theories of human behavior and psychology have been relegated to the therapy room, used in private, and often at the individual level. We now have advanced psychological theories that can explain and help foster change at the societal level.
Chua reaches for the same shining star that famed behavior analyst B.F. Skinner once reached for, applying cutting edge behavior change technology to the community at large—not just for the purposes of greater mental health—but for more workable societies. Chua doesn’t just reach for this star, he grasps it firmly. Laid out in this book is a set of common sense reforms that could revolutionize the Philippines and the world at an achievable cost: our own willingness.
Jacob Martinez
Practicing Counselor
Wisconsin, USA
To find out how you can get copies of his books please click here.
Nathaniel Chua is also a member of an international organization called the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS). He once became chair of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Special Interest Group (DEI-SIG) of ACBS; the first Non-North American to do so.
Nathaniel Chua has a Master’s Degree in Counseling and continues to learn more of the most cutting-edge approaches to working with the human condition.
Below is Nathaniel Chua’s first virtual talk held on November 17, 2023 in front of an international group of therapists from Low or Middle Income Countries (LMIC). He is the first from the Philippines to do this:
What is One Life Only Counseling about?
We value and respect your privacy, and what you share with us is treated confidentially.
You will be respected regardless of your religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, ethnicity, economic status, lifestyle, or personal values. We are LGBTQIA+ friendly.
Your counselor will not impose personal beliefs or values on you.
We welcome people from all faith traditions—and those with no religious affiliation. Spirituality and belief can be deeply personal. For some people they are sources of strength; for others they may also be sources of difficulty or conflict.
Our role is not to tell you what you should believe. It is to understand what matters to you and help you move toward a life and relationships that are more consistent with your own values.
Nathaniel Chua, MA
Functional Contextualist Therapist
ACT & IBCT Specialist
Our work is guided primarily by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy.
Both approaches are grounded in functional contextualism—a scientific framework that seeks to understand behavior within the circumstances in which it occurs.
Rather than asking only whether a thought, feeling, or behavior is “good” or “bad,” we ask:
What function is this serving?
What keeps this pattern going?
And is it helping you move toward the kind of life or relationship you want?
What is functional contextualism?
Functional contextualism begins with a simple idea:
Behavior does not happen in a vacuum.
Every action, thought, feeling, memory, and reaction occurs within a particular context.
That context includes your history, relationships, environment, culture, learning experiences, expectations, and what is happening around you now.
Understanding that context can help us make better sense of why certain patterns continue—and what may help them change.
What we mean by behavior?
Behavior is not limited to what other people can see.
It also includes private experiences such as thinking, remembering, imagining, worrying, avoiding, planning, and interpreting what is happening around us.
Some behaviors are observable. Others happen quietly inside us.
Both matter.
What we mean by context?
Context is more than the physical place you are in.
It includes your personal history, relationships, memories, culture, present circumstances, and the people who have shaped your life—even when those people are no longer physically present.
The same person may respond very differently depending on stress, sleep, conflict, safety, expectations, past experiences, or the environment they are in.
That is why we try to understand the whole situation rather than judging behavior in isolation.
What we mean by function?
Every behavior occurs for a reason, even when that reason is not immediately obvious.
The “function” of a behavior refers to the role it plays within a person’s life.
For example, avoiding a difficult conversation may reduce anxiety in the short term, even if it creates more problems later.
Anger may sometimes protect a person from feeling vulnerable.
Withdrawal may temporarily reduce conflict while also increasing distance in a relationship.
Understanding the function of a behavior does not mean approving of it.
It means understanding what keeps it going so that more workable alternatives can become possible.
What we don’t believe or practice:
We don’t see you as “broken” or as a set of symptoms to fix. Outside of major physical damage or impairment, there’s no solid science proving that everyday behavior is caused by some permanent biological flaw.
You’re not a checklist of traits scored four-out-of-seven or five-out-of-nine. You’re a complex, whole, and freely choosing individual whose actions make sense in the context of your life.
Beyond Labels
Diagnostic labels can sometimes be useful for communication, research, or access to services.
But they do not tell us everything we need to know about a person.
At One Life Only, we place greater emphasis on understanding your individual history, circumstances, patterns, values, and goals than on reducing you to a diagnostic category.
We are interested in the person behind the label.
More Than Test Scores
Psychological tests can provide useful information in some settings.
Our counseling work, however, places greater emphasis on conversation, observation, history, context, and the patterns that emerge in your actual life.
No single score can capture the full complexity of a person.
We therefore focus on understanding how you think, feel, relate, respond, and make choices within the context of your life.
Medication and Counseling
Medication can be useful and, in some cases, important.
Decisions about medication should be made with an appropriately qualified medical professional.
Our role is to focus on psychological and behavioral processes: helping you develop greater flexibility, understand difficult patterns, respond differently to thoughts and emotions, and build a life that reflects what matters to you.
When appropriate, counseling can work alongside medical care rather than being treated as an alternative to it.
A Science-Based Approach
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has been studied across a wide range of psychological and behavioral difficulties.
ACT-based principles have also been adapted into public mental health programs designed to help people cope with stress and difficult life circumstances.
The World Health Organization has used ACT-informed material in its stress-management resources, including *Doing What Matters in Times of Stress*.
For us, the important point is not that one therapy can solve every problem.
It is that people can learn skills that help them respond more flexibly to difficult thoughts, feelings, and circumstances—and continue moving toward what matters even when life is hard.
Counseling With a Clear Purpose
Therapy should not be a random collection of techniques.
Different methods can be useful, but they should fit within a coherent understanding of the problem and the goals of counseling.
At One Life Only, the techniques we use are guided by an underlying framework.
We do not simply ask:
**“What technique should we try next?”**
We ask:
**“What is happening here, what function is it serving, and what response is most likely to help this person move toward what matters?”**
Every intervention should have a reason.
Every step should have a purpose.
And over time, good counseling should help you become increasingly able to navigate your life without needing counseling to do it for you.
Here’s a video about what makes One Life Only Counseling Services different:
Nathan Chua has appeared on mainstream media in the Philippines to discuss ACT and functional contextualism in a way that remains faithful to the underlying model.
Being faithful to the model means therapy is not simply a collection of techniques chosen at random. A “therapy salad” approach can mix methods without a clear rationale, which may make counseling feel fragmented or confusing.
An integrative approach, by contrast, is guided by a unifying framework. Different methods may still be used, but they are selected with purpose and connected to a clear understanding of the client’s goals and the patterns keeping them stuck.
In other words, the question is not simply, “What technique should we use?” but “Why are we using it, and how does it fit with what we are trying to change?”
Here are some of the testimonials that people have given for our work.
From a parent:
My son was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. He’s been undergoing therapy each year between June to September. He’s given synthetic meds in between therapy but i am not seeing consistent progress.
We needed to find a psychiatric support that can really help him.
It was a blessing indeed when i met one of the resource speaker from our community event that introduced us to sir Nathaniel.
Here’s an excerpt from my son’s long message to me …. “learning a lot through this therapy and had a ton of realizations din so i wanna say thank u so much ma…”
One life Only counselling services is truly effective and i hope it can help more people who suffers from mental health concerns.
From a partner:
Nathan is amazing! We learned so much about our relationship in just a few sessions. He also gives reading references, which helps a lot to navigate the information he provides in his session. Overall, would recommend to any couple in need of counselling.
From a husband:
Me and my wife ran into a bad patch due to outside pressure put onto our marriage.
I decided to book a set of appointments with one life and I can say it help so much I wish we went years ago. We have an amazing marriage and friendship.
Best thing we ever did.
Please click the link below for more:
https://share.google/RV5f9DYNVeURSGIJ8
He has also done interviews on YouTube with the developers of ACT and IBCT.
Here is a live interview on Kada Umaga on Net 25 starting at the 25 minute mark:
Here’s a solo interview of Nathan Chua with an ACT Matrix Expert and Counselor from the United States, Jacob Martinez:
Interviews with the experts:
Here are two interviews with the two experts that have had a huge impact on my work in recent years. They are with Dr. Steven Hayes and Dr. Andrew Christensen. Here are the videos:
Making Your New Year’s Resolution Work
by Nathan Chua
I think even without a new year to celebrate, many of us have often made certain commitments that we hope to accomplish beginning at a certain time. Well, looking back, how many of those commitments have we fulfilled? What is it that keeps us from getting from point A to point B?
One way we end up not doing what we resolve to do has to do with reasons. Our logical minds have evolved to find cause and effect relations. This is an important function because in order to solve problems in our environment, we need to know what causes something to happen. For instance, relevant to today’s issues, our minds needed to find out what causes the spread of the coronavirus in order for us to keep infections down and manage the extent of the pandemic. The scientists needed to know how the virus causes life-threatening pneumonia, for them to find ways to counteract the process of fatal illness developing in people.
The only drawback to this mental capacity is when the rule becomes inflexible. They are applied across other domains when they don’t really put us on a path to where we want to be. For example, we say, “I have to eat chocolate if I am sad.” The rule here is sadness should be removed by eating unhealthy snacks. However, we can reverse this statement and say, “I should not eat chocolate to stop me from feeling sad, because in the end, the lack of control of my behavior makes me even sadder and therefore the urge becomes stronger.”
Now if reasons really have so much power over us, wouldn’t we be all following the reasons why we should not be eating chocolate when we feel sad? The answer is no matter what the reasons our minds come up with, we still can opt to act one way or the other. This only means that no matter how much we try to give ourselves reasons to do stuff, we can always make a decision that complies or doesn’t comply with the behavior we want to either stop or begin doing more of.
This means reasons are just thoughts that our minds come up with for us to make logical decisions. Unfortunately, what may sound logical may not be what’s good for us. Now, you might be thinking, what then do I do about this? Well, one way to do it is to first notice your thoughts as thoughts. They are not you. Your mind is just a part of you and your bodily functions.
One way to practice this ability to keep your thoughts separate from you, is to give your mind a name. Thank him or her for the suggestion. You’re not bad for having those thoughts, it’s just part of your minds’ functioning. It is nothing more than a reason-manufacturing tool.
You can also add in one more step. You can notice what sticking to your diet is in the service of. Maybe you’d like to become more attractive so you can start having more opportunities to find a date. It could be that you’d love to see your kids grow old enough to see them go through different life stages. Whatever your motivations are, it is best to come up with ideas that give you intrinsic motivation, rather than those that make you think that you are a bad or lousy person if you don’t follow your resolutions. The latter only spirals into the negative feedback loop of emotions.
And finally, keep in mind that whatever life-enhancing habits we want to create, it takes time and patience. Your road will not be a straight line. Every time you fail at your commitments, you can always pick yourself up and keep going towards a direction you want. We are creatures who want to create habits that work for our lives. If we suffer an injury to our leg, we still want to stand up and walk again, don’t we? And yes, you and I will fall to the ground as we rehab, but we pick ourselves up and keep going, with pain and all. Because walking matters, just like living does too!