Tag: Depression
Are you depressed?
by Nathan Chua
No, you’re not. You are called by a name, and I don’t think your parents or guardians would name you, “Depressed!” Yes, this is kind of a play on words, but it can also serve as a reminder to you that your depression doesn’t define you. I have met a good number of clients who have come to me saying that they have been diagnosed with major depression and subsequently medicated for something they are supposed to have that causes the depression…some sort of brain disease. It no longer surprises me when clients come to me and say that they had a chat with their provider for 15 minutes and voila, they are labeled as being stricken by something that is called major depressive disorder or MDD! Sad to say you’re broken and you need some fixin’!
These conclusions are made in the service of a manual that says someone has a problem with depression when it lasts for a couple of weeks or more, plus a few other criteria listed. Most people who get such a diagnosis often end up feeling like they have very little control over their choices regarding how they want to spend their time. Much of their time from thereon will be focused entirely on getting rid of this depression. They begin to adjust their lives and expectations about their lives and their relationships around a diagnosis. People have to be careful about my feelings. They shouldn’t say anything that can trigger my depression or sense of self-worth. All of a sudden a mask is worn throughout their remaining existence.
A few words about our sadness:
I have recently shared this thought experiment about our sad feelings. It speaks about how understandable our negative feelings are. If you were in a funeral wake to visit the friends and loved ones of the departed, wouldn’t you be surprised if anyone came in without at least a tinge of sadness in their face? If you lost someone you cared for, would you think you’re abnormal for feeling sad? Wouldn’t you once in a while even after years following the death of a loved one, still feel a sadness that comes with a reminder of the person who once meant so much to you? Wouldn’t that be about just being a person who has feelings? And yet we have a system or a culture that says you only have a couple of weeks to get over your sadness.
The loop:
I remember an expert sharing that depression as we interpret it today, is not about the presence of sadness, but the unwillingness to feel sadness. The loop happens when you and I try to get rid of our feelings of sadness. This can come in many different forms. We may try to distract ourselves, opt out of activities we enjoy, ruminate about the guilt and the what ifs, and some of us even take substances. The sad news is unless you have a major brain injury or you are close to that age when you get hit by Alzheimer’s, you will experience sadness sooner or later. No amount of avoiding can help you on your way to being unable to feel. Take it from me, there are times I wake up feeling sad for no particular reason at all. That’s just the case about feelings. They visit us once in a while and they come and go of their own accord.
In short, the loop kind of looks like this, you don’t only feel sad, but also feel sad that you are sad.
It’s not what you are, it’s something you have:
You are not a walking depression. You can just observe. Take a full day without any medication and see if you will feel sad 24 hours non stop. Chances are you will find that your sadness only visits you in spurts. And when it is a longer spurt, chances are you are trying to suppress it. The problem with that strategy is that the more you try to forget about your sadness, the more you remember. Because trying to forget something only reminds you of what you have to forget!
The meaning behind the sadness:
Finally, this article won’t be complete without some kind of redemption. If our sadness were meaningless then I would be first to recommend that all of us should find ways to escape it. For example, if you were being physically or verbally abused by a partner or a guardian, this is needless pain that all of us can and should avoid. But the kind of sadness I speak about here does stand for something. Our sadness means we have lost something or someone of great value to us. We have sad feelings for a reason. We are sad for the loss of a loved one because…we loved them! If our sadness stood for something as life-changing and powerful as love, then why should we be ashamed of it?
I remember an author and psychologist mention that we have tears come out of our eyes because they were meant to be seen. I often say this to my clients, your tears today tell me something about you that any form of running away from or medicating your way out of your sadness cannot. They tell me something about you that makes me feel connected to you. You’re just as human as I am.
So next time you lose someone or something that matters to you, take a moment and look at the other side of the coin. This moment is precious because your sad feelings tell you you have lost someone precious. And for you to feel the pain of the loss, is the essence of why it is both difficult and a privilege to be part of the human species.
Do you need counseling?
One Life Only Counseling Services
Counseling for Individuals, Couples, and Families
Do you need counseling for depression, anxiety, trauma, relationship (marriage, family) problems, insomnia, anger management problems, infidelity, teen parenting issues, grief processing, addiction, procrastination, work performance, and even weight issues?
We are here to provide you with evidence-based approaches that are backed by reliable and valid scientific research!
We provide both in person and online video counseling for your convenience.
Please text (preferred) or call:
Mobile Number: +63 917 886 5433 (LIFE)
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Our offices are located in Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines.
CMS Clinic
2nd Floor Back to the Bible Building
135 West Avenue, Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines
and
M Place South Triangle
8004 Mother Ignacia Avenue, Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines
The counselor is also an author!
Nathaniel Chua is the author of
Better People, Better Country: A Psychological Blueprint for a New Philippines,
published under the pen name Starfly Chua.
The pen name was chosen in homage to his grandfather and his ethnic Chinese roots, and reflects a preference for allowing ideas to stand on their own—without emphasis on personal visibility or status.
Here are selected endorsements from international colleagues and clinical experts:
This book is a fascinating personal exploration and cultural adaptation of contextual behavioral science applied to psychotherapy. It takes you, with great clarity and humility, from the philosophical foundations of functional contextualism all the way to its practical applications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The way it addresses the challenges of psychological well-being in the Philippines makes it a particularly valuable contribution.
Dr. Matthieu Villatte, PhD, Co-author of Mastering the Clinical Conversation: Language as Intervention
Better People, Better Country offers a transformative shift in perspective, moving from rigid cultural rules that invite moral shaming toward one of contextual understanding. Both deeply personal and extensively practical, Starfly Chua provides a psychosocial blueprint for change and progress at multiple levels of human existence. This book is an invaluable resource for the people of the Philippines because it moves beyond the exhausted cycle of demanding ‘better people’ and instead provides the tools to build ‘better contexts’ — systems that naturally support prosocial values that benefit citizens and country alike.
Lou Lasprugato, MFT
Peer-Reviewed ACT Trainer
For far too long, theories of human behavior and psychology have been relegated to the therapy room, used in private, and often at the individual level. We now have advanced psychological theories that can explain and help foster change at the societal level.
Chua reaches for the same shining star that famed behavior analyst B.F. Skinner once reached for, applying cutting edge behavior change technology to the community at large—not just for the purposes of greater mental health—but for more workable societies. Chua doesn’t just reach for this star, he grasps it firmly. Laid out in this book is a set of common sense reforms that could revolutionize the Philippines and the world at an achievable cost: our own willingness.
Jacob Martinez
Practicing Counselor
Wisconsin, USA
Nathaniel Chua is also a member of an international organization called the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS). He once became chair of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Special Interest Group (DEI-SIG) of ACBS; the first Non-North American to do so.
Nathaniel Chua has a Master’s Degree in Counseling and continues to learn more of the most cutting-edge approaches to working with the human condition.
Below is Nathaniel Chua’s first virtual talk held on November 17, 2023 in front of an international group of therapists from Low or Middle Income Countries (LMIC). He is the first from the Philippines to do this:
What is One Life Only Counseling about?
- We value and respect your privacy and we keep what you share confidential.
- You will be respected regardless of your religion, gender preference, ethnicity, economic status, and even your personal lifestyle and values. We are LGBTQIA+ friendly!
- Your counselor will not impose their values and beliefs on you. We welcome people from all faith traditions—or even none at all. We understand that spirituality and belief can be deeply personal, sometimes a source of strength, and at other times a place of struggle. Our goal is not to impose but to create space where your values, practices, and questions are respected. Whatever faith tradition you belong to, you are invited to bring your whole self into the counseling process.
Nathaniel Chua, MA
Functional Contextualist Therapist
The Philippines’ ACT & IBCT Specialist
- We mainly use ACT and IBCT which are both models of therapy that are based on functional contextualism – a science-based approach that focuses on what works in your unique life context. Both approaches help individuals, couples, and families move past stuck patterns, handle difficult emotions, and build more meaningful lives and relationships.
What is functional contextualism?
Functional contextualism starts with this simple truth: behaviors don’t happen in a vacuum. Every action, every thought, every feeling occurs in your unique context — and all of them serve a purpose.
What we mean by behavior?
Behavior isn’t just what you do outwardly. It also includes inner actions like thinking, remembering, or imagining. Some behaviors can be observed; others happen quietly inside you.
What we mean by context?
Context is more than the physical space you’re in. It includes your personal history, your memories, and the people who have shaped your life — whether they’re with you now or live only in your mind.
What we mean by function or purpose?
Every behavior is influenced by what happens before and after it. The “function” is the role that behavior plays in helping you cope, adapt, or move toward something important to you.
What we don’t believe or practice:
We don’t see you as “broken” or as a set of symptoms to fix. Outside of major physical damage or impairment, there’s no solid science proving that everyday behavior is caused by some permanent biological flaw.
You’re not a checklist of traits scored four-out-of-seven or five-out-of-nine. You’re a complex, whole, and freely choosing individual whose actions make sense in the context of your life.
Beyond Diagnostic Labels
We don’t use DSM diagnoses because your life is more than a checklist of symptoms. Real change begins with understanding your whole story, not fitting you into a category.
Medication as a Last Resort
While medication can sometimes be necessary, it’s never the first step we recommend. We focus on approaches that build lasting strength, skills, and choice – empowering you without unnecessary dependence.
You’re More Than a Number
We don’t use psychometric testing, because no score can capture who you are. We choose to listen, explore, and work with you through open, genuine conversations that honor your unique journey.
An Approach That is Recognized by the WHO!
The approach we use is also one that is endorsed by the World Health Organization as an effective psychological tool for coping with any kind of life crises! It can be described as a kind of psychological vaccine that has been found to be effective in improving and promoting mental resilience in the face of many, if not all kinds of life challenges.
Here’s a paraphrase from Dr. Steven C. Hayes in my interview with him on April 5th, 2022:
“Here’s what the World Health Organization, the best public health and scientific group in the world says about this protocol, this extensively tested protocol is helpful for anyone who is stressed, for any reason, in any circumstance.”
Since being established in 2009, it was in 2019 that we have been very excited to offer this type of a radically different approach to therapy that is not just about relieving symptoms, but also about helping people towards creating lives imbued with meaning and purpose.
Here’s a video about what makes One Life Only Counseling Services different:
You can read the written version of this video through this link: https://www.onelifeonly.net/about/what-makes-one-life-only-counseling-services-different/
Here is a recent interview for an article on Philstar Life featuring Nathaniel Chua and a legal practitioner about marital sexual consent:
https://philstarlife.com/news-and-views/928796-consent-rape-marriage-explainer
Nathan Chua is probably one of the very few therapists in the Philippines who’s been on mainstream media to talk about ACT and functional contextualism in a way that stays faithful to the model.
Being faithful to the model means therapy isn’t about throwing techniques together like ingredients in a salad. The “therapy salad” approach mixes bits and pieces without coherence, often leaving clients confused. An integrative approach, on the other hand, is guided by a unifying framework – methods are chosen and blended with purpose, creating a clear, consistent direction that serves client’s goals.
In other words, therapy isn’t about randomly mixing different techniques. That can feel confusing, like tossing ingredients together without a recipe. An integrative approach means everything fits together with a clear purpose – so the tools and methods used actually connect and support your journey.
Here are some of the testimonials that people have given for our work.
From a parent:
My son was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. He’s been undergoing therapy each year between June to September. He’s given synthetic meds in between therapy but i am not seeing consistent progress.
We needed to find a psychiatric support that can really help him.
It was a blessing indeed when i met one of the resource speaker from our community event that introduced us to sir Nathaniel.
Here’s an excerpt from my son’s long message to me …. “learning a lot through this therapy and had a ton of realizations din so i wanna say thank u so much ma…”
One life Only counselling services is truly effective and i hope it can help more people who suffers from mental health concerns.
From a partner:
Nathan is amazing! We learned so much about our relationship in just a few sessions. He also gives reading references, which helps a lot to navigate the information he provides in his session. Overall, would recommend to any couple in need of counselling.
From a husband:
Me and my wife ran into a bad patch due to outside pressure put onto our marriage.
I decided to book a set of appointments with one life and I can say it help so much I wish we went years ago. We have an amazing marriage and friendship.
Best thing we ever did.
Please click the link below for more:
https://share.google/RV5f9DYNVeURSGIJ8
He has also done interviews on YouTube with the developers of ACT and IBCT.
Here is a live interview on Kada Umaga on Net 25 starting at the 25 minute mark:
Here’s a solo interview of Nathan Chua with an ACT Matrix Expert and Counselor from the United States, Jacob Martinez:
Interviews with the experts:
Here are two interviews with the two experts that have had a huge impact on my work in recent years. They are with Dr. Steven Hayes and Dr. Andrew Christensen. Here are the videos:
What makes our difficult emotions more difficult?
by Nathan Chua
All of us go through this. We feel some anxiety, sadness, anger, and so on and seem to dig ourselves deeper into the abyss of unpleasant emotions.
There is a reason why we see ancient traditions of meditation where wise people sit for periods of time. Part of the exercise is to be able to stay with difficult thoughts and the feelings that come along as they sit. In fact the type of meditation that is referred to here is called just sitting.
Contrary to the logic that we so often use so well with problems that are external to us, our struggle lies not in our difficult emotions, but with how we relate to them. As kids, we were trained by our parents or other guardians to show mostly feelings that are labeled as positive. These are rules we learn early when we are first taught to listen to and recognize words that refer to positive or negative consequences to our behaviors. Mom and dad don’t like it when we are sad and crying because such feelings attached to the behavior get in the way of a quiet night watching a movie or a party with friends. Your crying loudly in church or a friendly gathering doesn’t allow for the adults in the room to focus on what is going on.
As a result, we learn to judge our own feelings as bad and in turn judge ourselves as bad too for having such unwanted emotions.
Dr. Russ Harris gives us a list of how our mind judges our feelings and make them worse:
- “Why am I feeling like this?”
- “What have I done to deserve this?”
- “Why am I like this?”
- “I can’t handle this!”
- “I shouldn’t feel like this.”
- “I wish I didn’t feel like this!”
The key here is to be able to describe our feelings instead of evaluating them. Evaluating our feelings means we begin a struggle with them and think that the only way forward to doing that important project is to get rid of such feelings. Let me be okay first before I go on with my day and my plans. I will only go for that promotion or approach that person I want to date when I feel confident enough.
Unfortunately, these judgments against our own feelings become invisible barriers that stand in the way of us pursuing that very thing that would make us feel like we are living in accordance with what we aspire to be. We go from a natural pain that life gives us when we end up in tough situations, to a manufactured pain or a pain that we create for ourselves wherein we become entangled in a war inside our minds…while precious time ticks away. Eventually, that promotion goes to someone else at work or that date gets involved with someone else.
Describing our painful emotions on the other hand, allows us to approach difficult feelings with curiosity. As we do so we are more able to allow such feelings to hang around for a while and then come and go as they please. Note though that we have no control over how long or if these unpleasant feelings will stay or not. The more we try to control them and want to get rid of them, the more they linger and make us end up being at war with our own thoughts and feelings.
Just remember, we are not our histories, they are just a part of us. Hating our own past and wishing they were different means being at war with something we can learn from. Our histories can either enrich our lives or be our worst enemies. We just have to choose.
One Life Only Counseling Services provides an evidence-based, transdiagnostic approach to counseling with proven results in addressing a variety of mental health concerns. We provide both in person and online video counseling as well as soft skills training workshops for corporate and non-profit organizations.
How do we objectify ourselves?
by Nathan Chua
It’s too hard. I can’t. I must. I should or should not. These are just some signs of a person (1) believing in the reasons that the mind offers or (2) signs of objectifying him or herself.
Here’s a test for how reasons may not be as powerful as we think they are. Think of a few reasons why you can’t stop your addiction to binge watching movies or television series online. Now, think of a few reasons why you shouldn’t be wasting countless hours of your life watching them. Now consider this, if reasons did make us do things, then all of us would have been doing the right things all the time because they come from the right reasons. So in effect, reasons are just thoughts and nothing more. It is up to us how we behave whether such reasons exist or not.
And how is it that we objectify ourselves? Let’s take for example someone who was dear to us in our family dies. Here’s where we play the I should or I must game. I should be able to buck up and keep doing what I’m doing. I mustn’t show any emotions for being emotional at this time is inimical to myself and the people surrounding me. If we look deeper, this means that we ought to have a switch inside of us pretty much like a robot or a computer. Our thoughts tell us that we ought to be as efficient and switchable as that desktop in front of us.
Unfortunately, this almost always doesn’t work, because how do we accomplish switching ourselves off? Well, that trip to the bar with flowing alcohol is one way. Others are getting lost in busyness at work or at home, comfort eating, and of course, binge watching. Some of us go to pills that doctors prescribe to get rid of unpleasant feelings. All of these do serve the purpose of making us feel better for a while, but ultimately comes with a pretty huge price tag, a chunk of our lifetime spent on what only matters to make us feel good temporarily, and little or nothing to do with a meaningful and purposeful life. Like how empowering does it feel to have a bunch of pills in your pocket to kill your depression or anxiety?
We also objectify ourselves with the roles that we create for ourselves. I have always been the wedge that kept mom and dad away from getting at each other’s throats. I have always been the successful migrant who keeps the family finances together. I would always be the caretaker of the clan. These are just some of the many roles that stick to us like cattle branding.
We even objectify ourselves by the values we aspire to live by. We use our values to bludgeon ourselves. I must always be kind and generous. I have no option but to say yes all the time because to say no means I would be a bad person or a hypocrite.
The one thing that most of us forget regularly and quite often, is that the challenge of this life is not being in control of our inner workings all the time like a computer or a robot.
The challenge is being a person, being human.
You and I are human because we hurt when we lose someone we love. You and I are human when we make mistakes that make us feel we haven’t lived consistently with what truly matters to us. You and I are human because we exist beyond what our minds tell us who we are. You and I are human because we do things that our rational minds cannot comprehend. And that something incomprehensible is the thing that is most akin to being human, and that’s none other than our capacity to choose the hard stuff for no other reason but love, and caring for ourselves and others.