Tag: Trauma Counseling
How to be successful in conflict, Video!
How Anxiety Can Limit Your Life Choices
by Nathan Chua
Anxiety is probably one of the most common complaints that people come to therapy for, which makes me wonder why this has not been a subject that I discuss more often. I think a lot of my own anger issues stem from a deeply held anxiety about an assortment of issues in life. I grew up in a home full of unpredictability and the sight of anger and acts of intimidation familiar. It is therefore quite easy for me to feel anxious about any kind of turn of events that don’t go my way. I became very strict with rules that I felt were needed to keep things in check even if much of these were out of my control.
I recently came up with a metaphor that I hope people who suffer from anxiety due to a past traumatic experience, can benefit from. This provides a simple imagery of what goes on in us when we become overly controlled by our anxiety in situations that could mean a lot to us if only we could “overcome” our difficult feelings. Unfortunately, that is most of what we have learned from mainstream psychology for many decades now. We should be able to bring anxiety down to certain levels in order to function and live meaningful and purposeful lives. I will have to leave this discussion for another time.
The subject I wish to talk about is how we can understand what we do when we allow our anxiety to dictate our lives. Sort of a step backwards to see the unworkability of the things we do when we experience anxiety. Let’s say one day a person gets involved in an accident caused by a yellow car. As we have minds that are capable of remembering much more than other animals do, that person’s mind will remind him of the terrors caused by yellow cars in his life. In fact, even the word yellow can bring back all the sordid details of the accident.
Now let’s imagine that this person went for a pleasure trip someday where he enjoyed sightseeing so much that he forgot that there will be no options to get back to his hotel anymore other than riding a yellow cab. Unfortunately, he or she or they would have to walk to the hotel in the middle of the night where there is less certainty that it will be safe. Would the person summon the courage to take a yellow cab then? If safety and enjoying the vacation is important enough, one can be forced to ride the cab and by forced I mean, by the person’s own free will, and how much more workable taking a yellow cab would be.
Now here’s how this story can relate to our own histories of past traumas. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT, not being able to realize the different contexts in which real danger should be avoided is at the heart of what is called psychological rigidity or what I prefer to call behavioral rigidity or inflexibility.
One thing that happens if we start following rules that our minds offer us to protect us in situations where there is an actual danger or threat, we begin to lose sight of other options available. We hold on to limited patterns of behaving in dealing with the myriad of situations that happen as we go through different life stages or even daily challenges.
If you are like many of us who have lived with imperfect parents or caretakers, there will be situations that will cause us to feel anxious. But some of these situations can call for our willingness to open up to these difficult feelings in order to enrich our lives. Noticing how our minds overgeneralize with rules is the key to breaking out of the limits our minds make. Opening up to our past histories and noticing them as they are is key to what is possible.
If we stay and see behind our difficult memories, there may be something that we can learn which is important to us. In my case, I hated my own anger because I cared about being kind in the presence of that anger. If you have been bullied or rejected, that hurts because you care about not being bullied or about being accepted. There’s much to learn from what is painful. Don’t run away. Stay and watch how much your pain says about you and the beauty of all that you hold dear and care about. In other words, don’t run away from your own humanity. As it is often said in ACT, open up to your painful thoughts and feelings, and see what gifts lay behind.
Watch this on YouTube!
ACT for Trauma Certificate of Completion
Having been trained in psychodynamic therapy, helping trauma clients from a behavioral lens was unimaginable for me as a graduate student. With the use of the inner child, memory and exposure work, it turns out that the two approaches share much in common. From an ACT or behavioral, and scientific perspective however, I have learned the rationale behind such practices, and how our nervous system works to produce the kind of ineffective responses people have towards traumatic experiences. It was difficult having done this together with the ACT for Adolescents course, but it was well worth the effort. I consider it a privilege to be around in an era where people like Dr. Russ Harris, a best-selling author and renowned ACT therapist, are able to share their knowledge and expertise from thousands of miles away! I eagerly look forward to more courses in ACT, Relational Frame Theory, and Functional Contextualism.
Do you need counseling?
One Life Only Counseling Services
Counseling for Individuals, Couples, and Families
Do you need counseling for depression, anxiety, trauma, relationship (marriage, family) problems, insomnia, anger management problems, infidelity, teen parenting issues, grief processing, addiction, procrastination, work performance, and even weight issues?
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Our offices are located in Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines.
CMS Clinic
2nd Floor Back to the Bible Building
135 West Avenue, Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines
and
M Place South Triangle
8004 Mother Ignacia Avenue, Quezon City, Metro Manila, Philippines
The counselor is also an author!
Nathaniel Chua is the author of
Better People, Better Country: A Psychological Blueprint for a New Philippines,
published under the pen name Starfly Chua.
The pen name was chosen in homage to his grandfather and his ethnic Chinese roots, and reflects a preference for allowing ideas to stand on their own—without emphasis on personal visibility or status.
Here are selected endorsements from international colleagues and clinical experts:
This book is a fascinating personal exploration and cultural adaptation of contextual behavioral science applied to psychotherapy. It takes you, with great clarity and humility, from the philosophical foundations of functional contextualism all the way to its practical applications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. The way it addresses the challenges of psychological well-being in the Philippines makes it a particularly valuable contribution.
Dr. Matthieu Villatte, PhD, Co-author of Mastering the Clinical Conversation: Language as Intervention
Better People, Better Country offers a transformative shift in perspective, moving from rigid cultural rules that invite moral shaming toward one of contextual understanding. Both deeply personal and extensively practical, Starfly Chua provides a psychosocial blueprint for change and progress at multiple levels of human existence. This book is an invaluable resource for the people of the Philippines because it moves beyond the exhausted cycle of demanding ‘better people’ and instead provides the tools to build ‘better contexts’ — systems that naturally support prosocial values that benefit citizens and country alike.
Lou Lasprugato, MFT
Peer-Reviewed ACT Trainer
For far too long, theories of human behavior and psychology have been relegated to the therapy room, used in private, and often at the individual level. We now have advanced psychological theories that can explain and help foster change at the societal level.
Chua reaches for the same shining star that famed behavior analyst B.F. Skinner once reached for, applying cutting edge behavior change technology to the community at large—not just for the purposes of greater mental health—but for more workable societies. Chua doesn’t just reach for this star, he grasps it firmly. Laid out in this book is a set of common sense reforms that could revolutionize the Philippines and the world at an achievable cost: our own willingness.
Jacob Martinez
Practicing Counselor
Wisconsin, USA
Nathaniel Chua is also a member of an international organization called the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS). He once became chair of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Special Interest Group (DEI-SIG) of ACBS; the first Non-North American to do so.
Nathaniel Chua has a Master’s Degree in Counseling and continues to learn more of the most cutting-edge approaches to working with the human condition.
Below is Nathaniel Chua’s first virtual talk held on November 17, 2023 in front of an international group of therapists from Low or Middle Income Countries (LMIC). He is the first from the Philippines to do this:
What is One Life Only Counseling about?
- We value and respect your privacy and we keep what you share confidential.
- You will be respected regardless of your religion, gender preference, ethnicity, economic status, and even your personal lifestyle and values. We are LGBTQIA+ friendly!
- Your counselor will not impose their values and beliefs on you. We welcome people from all faith traditions—or even none at all. We understand that spirituality and belief can be deeply personal, sometimes a source of strength, and at other times a place of struggle. Our goal is not to impose but to create space where your values, practices, and questions are respected. Whatever faith tradition you belong to, you are invited to bring your whole self into the counseling process.
Nathaniel Chua, MA
Functional Contextualist Therapist
The Philippines’ ACT & IBCT Specialist
- We mainly use ACT and IBCT which are both models of therapy that are based on functional contextualism – a science-based approach that focuses on what works in your unique life context. Both approaches help individuals, couples, and families move past stuck patterns, handle difficult emotions, and build more meaningful lives and relationships.
What is functional contextualism?
Functional contextualism starts with this simple truth: behaviors don’t happen in a vacuum. Every action, every thought, every feeling occurs in your unique context — and all of them serve a purpose.
What we mean by behavior?
Behavior isn’t just what you do outwardly. It also includes inner actions like thinking, remembering, or imagining. Some behaviors can be observed; others happen quietly inside you.
What we mean by context?
Context is more than the physical space you’re in. It includes your personal history, your memories, and the people who have shaped your life — whether they’re with you now or live only in your mind.
What we mean by function or purpose?
Every behavior is influenced by what happens before and after it. The “function” is the role that behavior plays in helping you cope, adapt, or move toward something important to you.
What we don’t believe or practice:
We don’t see you as “broken” or as a set of symptoms to fix. Outside of major physical damage or impairment, there’s no solid science proving that everyday behavior is caused by some permanent biological flaw.
You’re not a checklist of traits scored four-out-of-seven or five-out-of-nine. You’re a complex, whole, and freely choosing individual whose actions make sense in the context of your life.
Beyond Diagnostic Labels
We don’t use DSM diagnoses because your life is more than a checklist of symptoms. Real change begins with understanding your whole story, not fitting you into a category.
Medication as a Last Resort
While medication can sometimes be necessary, it’s never the first step we recommend. We focus on approaches that build lasting strength, skills, and choice – empowering you without unnecessary dependence.
You’re More Than a Number
We don’t use psychometric testing, because no score can capture who you are. We choose to listen, explore, and work with you through open, genuine conversations that honor your unique journey.
An Approach That is Recognized by the WHO!
The approach we use is also one that is endorsed by the World Health Organization as an effective psychological tool for coping with any kind of life crises! It can be described as a kind of psychological vaccine that has been found to be effective in improving and promoting mental resilience in the face of many, if not all kinds of life challenges.
Here’s a paraphrase from Dr. Steven C. Hayes in my interview with him on April 5th, 2022:
“Here’s what the World Health Organization, the best public health and scientific group in the world says about this protocol, this extensively tested protocol is helpful for anyone who is stressed, for any reason, in any circumstance.”
Since being established in 2009, it was in 2019 that we have been very excited to offer this type of a radically different approach to therapy that is not just about relieving symptoms, but also about helping people towards creating lives imbued with meaning and purpose.
Here’s a video about what makes One Life Only Counseling Services different:
You can read the written version of this video through this link: https://www.onelifeonly.net/about/what-makes-one-life-only-counseling-services-different/
Here is a recent interview for an article on Philstar Life featuring Nathaniel Chua and a legal practitioner about marital sexual consent:
https://philstarlife.com/news-and-views/928796-consent-rape-marriage-explainer
Nathan Chua is probably one of the very few therapists in the Philippines who’s been on mainstream media to talk about ACT and functional contextualism in a way that stays faithful to the model.
Being faithful to the model means therapy isn’t about throwing techniques together like ingredients in a salad. The “therapy salad” approach mixes bits and pieces without coherence, often leaving clients confused. An integrative approach, on the other hand, is guided by a unifying framework – methods are chosen and blended with purpose, creating a clear, consistent direction that serves client’s goals.
In other words, therapy isn’t about randomly mixing different techniques. That can feel confusing, like tossing ingredients together without a recipe. An integrative approach means everything fits together with a clear purpose – so the tools and methods used actually connect and support your journey.
Here are some of the testimonials that people have given for our work.
From a parent:
My son was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. He’s been undergoing therapy each year between June to September. He’s given synthetic meds in between therapy but i am not seeing consistent progress.
We needed to find a psychiatric support that can really help him.
It was a blessing indeed when i met one of the resource speaker from our community event that introduced us to sir Nathaniel.
Here’s an excerpt from my son’s long message to me …. “learning a lot through this therapy and had a ton of realizations din so i wanna say thank u so much ma…”
One life Only counselling services is truly effective and i hope it can help more people who suffers from mental health concerns.
From a partner:
Nathan is amazing! We learned so much about our relationship in just a few sessions. He also gives reading references, which helps a lot to navigate the information he provides in his session. Overall, would recommend to any couple in need of counselling.
From a husband:
Me and my wife ran into a bad patch due to outside pressure put onto our marriage.
I decided to book a set of appointments with one life and I can say it help so much I wish we went years ago. We have an amazing marriage and friendship.
Best thing we ever did.
Please click the link below for more:
https://share.google/RV5f9DYNVeURSGIJ8
He has also done interviews on YouTube with the developers of ACT and IBCT.
Here is a live interview on Kada Umaga on Net 25 starting at the 25 minute mark:
Here’s a solo interview of Nathan Chua with an ACT Matrix Expert and Counselor from the United States, Jacob Martinez:
Interviews with the experts:
Here are two interviews with the two experts that have had a huge impact on my work in recent years. They are with Dr. Steven Hayes and Dr. Andrew Christensen. Here are the videos:
What makes our difficult emotions more difficult?
by Nathan Chua
All of us go through this. We feel some anxiety, sadness, anger, and so on and seem to dig ourselves deeper into the abyss of unpleasant emotions.
There is a reason why we see ancient traditions of meditation where wise people sit for periods of time. Part of the exercise is to be able to stay with difficult thoughts and the feelings that come along as they sit. In fact the type of meditation that is referred to here is called just sitting.
Contrary to the logic that we so often use so well with problems that are external to us, our struggle lies not in our difficult emotions, but with how we relate to them. As kids, we were trained by our parents or other guardians to show mostly feelings that are labeled as positive. These are rules we learn early when we are first taught to listen to and recognize words that refer to positive or negative consequences to our behaviors. Mom and dad don’t like it when we are sad and crying because such feelings attached to the behavior get in the way of a quiet night watching a movie or a party with friends. Your crying loudly in church or a friendly gathering doesn’t allow for the adults in the room to focus on what is going on.
As a result, we learn to judge our own feelings as bad and in turn judge ourselves as bad too for having such unwanted emotions.
Dr. Russ Harris gives us a list of how our mind judges our feelings and make them worse:
- “Why am I feeling like this?”
- “What have I done to deserve this?”
- “Why am I like this?”
- “I can’t handle this!”
- “I shouldn’t feel like this.”
- “I wish I didn’t feel like this!”
The key here is to be able to describe our feelings instead of evaluating them. Evaluating our feelings means we begin a struggle with them and think that the only way forward to doing that important project is to get rid of such feelings. Let me be okay first before I go on with my day and my plans. I will only go for that promotion or approach that person I want to date when I feel confident enough.
Unfortunately, these judgments against our own feelings become invisible barriers that stand in the way of us pursuing that very thing that would make us feel like we are living in accordance with what we aspire to be. We go from a natural pain that life gives us when we end up in tough situations, to a manufactured pain or a pain that we create for ourselves wherein we become entangled in a war inside our minds…while precious time ticks away. Eventually, that promotion goes to someone else at work or that date gets involved with someone else.
Describing our painful emotions on the other hand, allows us to approach difficult feelings with curiosity. As we do so we are more able to allow such feelings to hang around for a while and then come and go as they please. Note though that we have no control over how long or if these unpleasant feelings will stay or not. The more we try to control them and want to get rid of them, the more they linger and make us end up being at war with our own thoughts and feelings.
Just remember, we are not our histories, they are just a part of us. Hating our own past and wishing they were different means being at war with something we can learn from. Our histories can either enrich our lives or be our worst enemies. We just have to choose.
One Life Only Counseling Services provides an evidence-based, transdiagnostic approach to counseling with proven results in addressing a variety of mental health concerns. We provide both in person and online video counseling as well as soft skills training workshops for corporate and non-profit organizations.