Tag: Counseling for Anxiety

Another Two Shrinks Over Drinks with Dr. Hank Robb

Erratum:  B.F. Skinner did write on page 156 of his novel Walden 2 his desire for a society that does not give special honor to members of the community through the words of Frazier.  Here’s part of the quote:

“We are opposed to personal competition.  We don’t encourage competitive games…We never mark any member for special approbation…A triumph over another man is never a laudable act.  Our decision to eliminate personal aggrandizement arose quite naturally from the fact that we were thinking about the whole group.  We do not see how the group could gain from individual glory.”

Letting Go to Gain Control

by Nathan Chua

The School Play:

I remember some of the most fun I had back in my school days, was when we had to do role plays.  Not just any other role play, but actually create a skit as a medium to learn.  There’s also very little pressure as these were done in front of a class only and not a major production wherein a whole auditorium of students were there to watch.  

My Louis Vuitton Story:

I once entered an LV store in Metro Manila, and scoured through some of the merchandise.  As I was doing that, I noticed the attentiveness of the sales people as there were hardly any people around who were shopping.  I looked at some items that I thought were very impressive and their price tags.  As I was on my way out, I said, “I love your products but I can’t afford any of them!”   

Walking around with plastic buckets:

Have you ever had a time when you and your friends went out and knew that you were all going to do something rather unconventional and at times downright embarrassing?  Of course, always in the spirit of good clean fun.  Well, I am one of those who has gone out with a group of my high school male friends wearing clothes that should only belong to the home, carrying plastic buckets and brooms, and going inside a mall to deposit the stuff we had at the front of the department store where people usually leave their shopping items. 

Ordering a siopao at Mcdo:

When I am in a fast food restaurant, I sometimes order something obviously unserious at the counter.  For what reason?  Nothing just for fun!  As the heading for this paragraph tells you, I have in the past ordered the Jollibee Chicken Joy at a McDonald’s restaurant!

Which leads me to how I got to think about writing something like this for all of you.  When I did those I did not know anything about contextual behavioral science.  About a couple of weeks ago, I found an online audio resource created by Steven Hayes, the developer of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and RFT (Relational Frame Theory).  He shared one of the ways we can pop that bubble or illusion that says we do what we think, by doing exactly what I had been doing sporadically since oh, high school?  I hadn’t realized doing these crazy things weren’t just fun, they were also about letting go of some of the rules that we tend to sell our lives to!  What I was doing was letting go of the rules that shackled me from pursuing what would be psychologically risky, but at the same time liberating.  I can choose to be how I want to be at any given moment!  

This article reminds me of my father.  He was a good but also misunderstood man.  Believe me, I was one of those who did.  He had always been a businessman who inherited a family business.  Through decades of working in the business, he could not manage to make a sizable profit.  He found himself mired in debt until the day he passed.  There was one skill that we, his kids, thought that could have made him a world-class cartoonist.  We saw some of his drawings of caricatures of his friends with a pen!  His every line had a precision that he didn’t need a pencil to make his initial sketch.  Awesome talent that was never discovered nor shared with more people because he thought he couldn’t.

Are you living with can’ts, shoulds, musts in your life?  Yeah they sure feel safe, but do they make you feel alive?  Doing what your mind tells you you can’t, is a part of the exercise towards breaking that bubble.  That bubble that says you can’t get out of that family business that is so comfortably limiting.  That bubble that says you can’t do this or that.  Don’t get me wrong, it is not my intention to tell you that anyone can be anything.  We all do have limits.  The question is, have you tested the limits and seen how liberating it can be on that side where your mind says no, you can’t.  And maybe you can just, by doing these silly things for nothing, be you, and no one else but you!

Nathan Chua’s Presentation in November 2023 to an International Group!

On November 17, 2023, Nathan had the privilege of presenting a talk for an international audience of therapists from Low or Middle Income Countries (LMIC) about Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy.  Certificate of Presentation below:

Certificate of Presentation for Nathaniel Chua given for his talk in front of an international group of therapists from Low or Middle Income Countries or LMIC.

 

Anger Management Interview – Video

Hi everyone!

In this episode from MakiAlam with hosts Pelita Uy and Angelo Almonte, I discuss the recent reports about an irate employer who physically abused a housekeeper.  For all of you who have anger issues like I do, I hope you learn a few things here.

Fourteen Years of:  “Just Call Me Nathan.”

by Nathan Chua

One thing I dislike is titles.  I have always been uneasy with titles unless they were used in settings where it is necessary to set limits, respectful, honorific or makes it easier to identify the people being referred to.  The counseling room has never been a place where I thought titles were necessary.  One thing that I don’t want to impart to any of the people I see. is for them to view me as someone who’s got it all together somehow.  I don’t want them to think that I have some kind of panacea that will answer all of life’s problems.  I love the way one ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) expert put it, and I will paraphrase it here.  I often use this metaphor to describe the kind of relationship I will have with my clients.  I am not ahead of them nor am I on top of them looking down.  We are just two people climbing up our own mountains that are facing each other.  My job is to see what’s ahead of you as you climb yours and give you signals when I see what’s coming your way.  

Which brings me to the point that I want to make in this article.  What on earth are we doing counseling for?  If you have had this question come across your mind before, don’t be alarmed.  I have asked myself the same question many times before.  Through more than a decade’s work, I have hypothesized about this.  As a healer, I thought that my job was to relieve symptoms.  As a humanist, I thought that it was to find acceptance and purpose.  As a psychodynamic counselor, I thought my job was to come to terms with the past.  Today however, as a behaviorist, I have come to see that counseling is about being able to handle our difficult thoughts and feelings in a more effective way.

To date, I still find behaviorism to hold the most promise in helping alleviate human suffering and promoting successful living.  Please remember that successful living in this context is not about having the most financial success or the happiest existence.  Successful living is about helping people live up to their greatest potential.  This is not in the service of any temporary exuberant feelings nor is it about having great wealth, but about having a life that’s meaningful to the unique aspirations of every individual.  

What I find hopeful in behaviorism is the goals that it establishes that are based on scientific evidence.  A metaphor that ACT therapists use to describe the process is like learning to speak a new language.  If we spend a long enough time using a new language, we will start to get used to it and eventually not go back to using our old language.  Nonetheless, learning that new language does not mean that we completely forget the old one.  

In less metaphorical language, it simply means trying out new or different ways of behaving in the face of life’s problems.  There is an old ACT saying among therapists which goes like, I don’t have tricks to change how a client feels, but I have tricks to help a client live the life they want even with those difficult thoughts and feelings.  Here are some examples of how this can be manifest in a life:  

  • If you react to painful experiences by griping and ranting, then maybe try sitting with the pain with compassion and find out why it pains you.  Maybe it tells you that you care about something that is life-giving and loving.
  • If you react to painful experiences in relationships by running away, then maybe try to learn new ways of staying put and communicating more effectively to let the other person know how important they are to you.
  • If you react to painful experiences by distractions like drugs, alcohol, binge watching, or even working, then maybe try to see if you’re missing out on the more important goals or relationships you had in mind before the challenges came.  

I don’t know if there’s better science out there.  I would like to find out.  For now, it’s been quite the adventure of a search for what best serves the lives of those I see.   If there is one thing that I am slowly losing while learning ACT, it’s my ego.  Good riddance!  I am just your fellow sojourner my friends, and that’s why I’d appreciate it if you’d just call me, Nathan.   

Thank you for fourteen years. Your shared lives have made mine sweeter and more worthwhile.  

Pain vs. Suffering Video!