One Life Only Counseling Services
Center for Recreating, Energizing, Activating, Transforming, and Empowering Lives! – C.R.E.A.T.E.L., Manila!
Nathaniel Chua, founder of One Life Only Counseling Services will be one of the keynote speakers in this upcoming virtual conference organized by the Association of Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS) called LMIC (Low or Middle Income Countries) International Conference on November 17, 2023.
He will be speaking about Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT): An ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) Consistent Approach for Couples.
Click here to know more!
Here’s a short chat with Chinkee Tan and Christine Bersola-Babao about financial conflicts among couples on their One PH program MagBadyet Tayo! You can skip to the 31st minute mark to see it. Hope this proves useful to all.
In this episode for our series, Shrinks Over Drinks, I talk with Dr. Niklas Torneke, a Swedish psychiatrist who has authored three books in English and more in Swedish. Two of his books in English have been very instrumental in my journey into ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), RFT (Relational Frame Theory), and behaviorism. He is an authority when it comes to the uses of language and metaphors from an RFT perspective.
I have myself seen how his work has informed me inside the counseling room and how much it helps people see through the veneer of language.
Listen on Spotify!
by Nathan Chua
“…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…”
This is for all the June brides and grooms out there!
When we hear this vow at wedding ceremonies, some of us can’t help but sense the daunting task ahead for the couple. However, what’s lost in these words involves one of the main reasons why couples don’t end up fulfilling these promises: context or changes in the couple’s contexts. Many marriages end not in particularly distressing times. I don’t have the data on this, but just by my experience in working with couples, the best of times do not shield a relationship from conflicts that may lead to separation or an unhappy co-existence.
Some changes in context come in the form of challenges to their dreams of what constitutes a happy marriage, or the rules that they thought would be followed faithfully. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, all describe a context wherein couples commit to standing their ground and being with each other in the most trying times. These are changes in context that are descriptive of major crises that heighten the solemnity of the event. Perhaps few couples realize that the moments when there are no crises can also set their course. Maybe an in-law is coming for an unwanted visit, a child is having trouble at school, a car breaks down and a daily routine drive is disrupted. Mundane as they seem, couples who are different, will want to handle these situations differently. Ergo, we hear one of the most perplexing yet tragic complaints from couples. Their fights seem to come from nowhere. Trivial matters become issues that make or break the relationship.
We all operate differently depending on the context. I know I write better when I am in a secluded, well-lit, and quiet place. You may work better when you hear white noise from your favorite mini-component stereo system. Can you imagine how a young couple sharing a small space has to deal with the potential conflict in the context of important deadlines? In other words, there is a confluence of stressful events.
Let’s take another example of a young professional who came to like a partner who was highly responsible and hardworking as they were dating. The eventual boyfriend who she ends up marrying, was very prompt on their dates but could only devote one night a week for a date. She liked that about him as her previous boyfriend was usually just hanging around her, sleeping on the couch and occasionally, shooting drugs. In the dating context, this new guy was an oasis. That context however, changes when they begin to chart their course as a married couple. All of a sudden, that once a week date feels like a concession. The boyfriend and now husband is not addicted to drugs but addicted to work! It’s now the couch surfing boyfriend that’s the oasis. Well, at least he was present most of the time. Another example is a partner you married or committed to because he was very close and loving to his family. I remember some sayings that mothers would usually advise their daughters that however their boyfriends treat their mothers, is the way they can expect to be treated as wives. In fact, your boyfriend was so close to his mom and family, he wanted you to all live in one place. You know where this is going.
So here’s my tip for all of you June brides (or grooms) out there. Be aware that any positive quality about anything, which includes your fiance (fiancee), has a flipside not a darkside. Take social media for instance. They have a flipside depending on usage. Your partner’s most likable qualities have a flipside depending on where you are in your matrimonial odyssey together. To put it simply, not all qualities are likable in all contexts. The trick is to be aware of this and see how you can handle your differences effectively. Remember that wedding vow represents not just your contexts in crises situations, but also your everyday ones. So be more conscious of your everyday wedding vows to avert self-inflicted crises.
Hi Friends!
I am excited to share a new series with you! I call this one, “Shrinks Over Drinks!” And this episode will be called, “Two Shrinks Over Drinks!”
Have you ever wondered how it feels like to eavesdrop on a couple of shrinks having a casual conversation? Well, welcome to our world! Hope it doesn’t turn into a rude awakening! But seriously, this was a wonderful conversation with a fellow ACT therapist. Hope you enjoy your eavesdropping!
In this video, I feature a conversation with Lou Lasprugato who is an internationally recognized trainer and behavioral health provider. He’s a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, with private practices in both California and Virginia (United States), and Peer-Reviewed Trainer in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) with the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science, for which he also serves as chair of the Training Committee.
Here’s how Lou describes the video:
“I was delighted to have been hosted by Nathaniel Chua for his new podcast series entitled “Shrinks over Drinks” where we touched upon various ACT-related/informed topics, including eclectic vs integrative approach, clinical implications of functional contextualism, rule-governed behavior, couples therapy, ACT-flavored movies, our ACT origin stories, love, humanity, and more!”
For more information about Lou and his work please visit: www.loulasprugato.com!
We will talk about a number of exciting and interesting stuff like, what movies remind you of ACT and what’s love got to do with our work and many more!
For more information about One Life Only Counseling Services, please go to www.onelifeonly.net!
by Nathan Chua
One thing I dislike is titles. I have always been uneasy with titles unless they were used in settings where it is necessary to set limits, respectful, honorific or makes it easier to identify the people being referred to. The counseling room has never been a place where I thought titles were necessary. One thing that I don’t want to impart to any of the people I see. is for them to view me as someone who’s got it all together somehow. I don’t want them to think that I have some kind of panacea that will answer all of life’s problems. I love the way one ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) expert put it, and I will paraphrase it here. I often use this metaphor to describe the kind of relationship I will have with my clients. I am not ahead of them nor am I on top of them looking down. We are just two people climbing up our own mountains that are facing each other. My job is to see what’s ahead of you as you climb yours and give you signals when I see what’s coming your way.
Which brings me to the point that I want to make in this article. What on earth are we doing counseling for? If you have had this question come across your mind before, don’t be alarmed. I have asked myself the same question many times before. Through more than a decade’s work, I have hypothesized about this. As a healer, I thought that my job was to relieve symptoms. As a humanist, I thought that it was to find acceptance and purpose. As a psychodynamic counselor, I thought my job was to come to terms with the past. Today however, as a behaviorist, I have come to see that counseling is about being able to handle our difficult thoughts and feelings in a more effective way.
To date, I still find behaviorism to hold the most promise in helping alleviate human suffering and promoting successful living. Please remember that successful living in this context is not about having the most financial success or the happiest existence. Successful living is about helping people live up to their greatest potential. This is not in the service of any temporary exuberant feelings nor is it about having great wealth, but about having a life that’s meaningful to the unique aspirations of every individual.
What I find hopeful in behaviorism is the goals that it establishes that are based on scientific evidence. A metaphor that ACT therapists use to describe the process is like learning to speak a new language. If we spend a long enough time using a new language, we will start to get used to it and eventually not go back to using our old language. Nonetheless, learning that new language does not mean that we completely forget the old one.
In less metaphorical language, it simply means trying out new or different ways of behaving in the face of life’s problems. There is an old ACT saying among therapists which goes like, I don’t have tricks to change how a client feels, but I have tricks to help a client live the life they want even with those difficult thoughts and feelings. Here are some examples of how this can be manifest in a life:
I don’t know if there’s better science out there. I would like to find out. For now, it’s been quite the adventure of a search for what best serves the lives of those I see. If there is one thing that I am slowly losing while learning ACT, it’s my ego. Good riddance! I am just your fellow sojourner my friends, and that’s why I’d appreciate it if you’d just call me, Nathan.
Thank you for fourteen years. Your shared lives have made mine sweeter and more worthwhile.