What Is Love?

If love is not blindness that ignores reality,

and not merely a feeling that disappears at the first sign of disappointment,

then what is love?

Love is a context in which two lives can be lived meaningfully together.

It is not a reason to remain where there is violence, fear, or abuse.

But neither is it something we abandon simply because we are irritated, disappointed, or confronted by our differences.

Every meaningful relationship will contain moments when the distance between two people feels difficult to cross.

Love is not the absence of those moments.

Love is the creation of a life where crossing them remains worthwhile.

A life built with enough trust, respect, and shared purpose that both people can stand within it with dignity.

Not a perfect life.

Not an effortless life.

But one rich enough to be shared with pride,

and generous enough to contribute something good to the world beyond itself.

Is Love a Feeling?

Some people stay in relationships long after they have stopped asking whether a meaningful life can be built there.
Others leave at the first sign of difficulty, assuming that the absence of excitement means love has ended.
Love requires effort.
But effort cannot make every relationship workable.
And the loss of butterflies does not mean a relationship is unworkable.
The challenge is learning the difference.

What does it mean to be perfect?

The word perfect comes from the Latin perfectus.
It originally meant complete.
Not flawless.
Not superior.
Not better than others.
Complete.
The problem-solving mind spends much of its time convincing us that something is missing.
Yet before we were successful or unsuccessful, admired or rejected, confident or insecure, we were already human.
Perhaps perfection is not becoming someone else.
Perhaps it is living fully as the person you already are.
You are not an unfinished human waiting for permission to exist.

When Doing Right Ends Up Feeling Wrong

There is a common assumption that change in therapy means stopping the wrong thing and starting the right thing.

But sometimes the very thing you’re trying to do to improve becomes a reminder of what you’ve struggled to stop doing.

The new habit reminds you of the old one.

The exercise reminds you of past failures.

The goal reminds you of how far you still have to go.

And when you inevitably stumble, it can feel less like learning and more like proof that change is impossible.

Panel Discussion on Scaling Up Contextual Behavioral Science from Individuals to Societies

​This video features a discussion hosted by Nathan Chua (One Life Only Counseling) with guests Eugene (an ACT practitioner and psychiatrist from Malaysia) and Jacob (a licensed counselor from Wisconsin).

Panel Discussion on Scaling Up Contextual Behavioral Science from Individuals to Societies

In this session, the panel explores how the principles of Contextual Behavioral Science (CBS) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be transitioned from individual clinical work to addressing broader societal issues. The discussion covers personal journeys into CBS, the role of language (Relational Frame Theory), and how system design can promote natural cooperation. ​

Key Topics & Timestamps:

​[00:00] – Introductions and the personal journeys of Nathan, Eugene, and Jacob into ACT and CBS.

​[18:01] – Scaling CBS: What changes when we move from helping individuals to influencing societies?

​[22:42] – The different “spheres” of society: Cultural, technological, and political dynamics.

​[24:21] – Marketing and RFT: How advertisers use behavioral science (often unconsciously) for capitalistic aims. ​

[30:58] – Human evolution and the challenge of cooperating in large populations vs. small groups.

​[35:45] – System Design: Creating contexts where cooperation feels natural rather than coerced.

​[41:59] – Observations from Malaysia: How “thought speak” and undercurrents of language influence racial dynamics and policy.

​[52:44] – The decline of trust in modern societies and how RFT explains the shifting function of government. ​

[01:05:07] – Dreaming of Change: Practical ideas for reform in transportation, education, and academia using a CBS lens. ​

Panelists: ​

Nathan Chua: Author and Counselor based in Metro Manila, Philippines. ​

Eugene Koh: Psychiatrist and ACT practitioner from Malaysia.

​Jacob Martinez: Licensed Professional Counselor from Wisconsin, USA.

​Resources Mentioned: ​

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

​Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert ​

ProSocial by Paul Atkins, David Sloan Wilson, and Steven C. Hayes ​

Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam ​

1984 by George Orwell (regarding “Newspeak”) ​

Better People, Better Country by Nathaniel/Starfly Chua

Two Shrinks Over Drinks: ​Navigating Wisdom & Psychology: A Conversation with Hank Robb

​How can we move beyond just being “healthy” to living wisely?

​In this episode of “Two Shrinks Over Drinks,” Nathan Chua sits down with Dr. Hank Robb, a seasoned psychotherapist from Portland, Oregon, and a prominent voice in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Relational Frame Theory (RFT). ​

Together, they dive deep into the philosophy of behaviorism, the limitations of the DSM “disease model,” and how small groups can drive large-scale societal change. Hank shares his unique perspective on making complex psychological concepts simple, digestible, and—most importantly—actionable for everyday life.

​Key Topics Discussed: ​

[05:13] Technical Eclecticism: Why it’s okay to use diverse techniques but vital to stay grounded in a consistent theory.

​[13:00] The Power of “We”: Moving from joint attention to joint intention in therapy and relationships. ​

[16:14] Creative Hopelessness: Understanding the transformation of stimulus functions—when letting go of a failing strategy opens the door to new opportunities.

​[30:08] Misunderstandings of B.F. Skinner: A look at Skinner’s naturalism and why his denial of “supernaturalism” made him a controversial figure. ​

[53:30] Errors vs. Illness: Why focusing on “wisdom” and “wise choices” is often more helpful than traditional diagnostic labeling (DSM).

​[01:03:00] Scaling Change: How principles from Eleanor Ostrom and small, value-driven groups can influence communities and even entire countries. ​

About Hank Robb: Hank Robb, Ph.D., ABPP, is the author of Willingly ACT for Spiritual Development. He is known for his ability to translate the dense language of RFT into practical metaphors that help clients “willingly acknowledge, willingly choose, and willingly teach.”

​About the Host: Nathan Chua is a counselor based in Quezon City, Philippines, and the author of Better People, Better Country. ​

Connect with us:

www.onelifeonly.net

https://onelifeonly.net/order-the-book/ ​#ACT #Psychology #BehavioralScience

#MentalHealth #Wisdom #HankRobb #RelationalFrameTheory #Counseling #TwoShrinksOverDrinks

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7vnTD2k876ZMhfRi9A8VPn?si=SqFBTbaKSdek3pnVqSVrng

Could Suicide Be Predicted?

Why Suicide Risk Is Harder to Predict Than People Think

Most people assume therapists can predict suicide the way meteorologists predict storms. But modern psychological research tells a much more complicated story.

In this video, I discuss why risk factors are not the same as reliable prediction, how human behavior is deeply context-sensitive, and why many contextual behavioral scientists are becoming more cautious about the illusion of certainty in prediction.

This is also why therapy is not only about risk management and control, but about understanding suffering in real time, reducing isolation, building psychological flexibility, and helping people reconnect with workable ways of living.

A contextual behavioral science perspective on therapy, compassion, and human behavior.

#MentalHealth #Psychology #ACT #ContextualBehavioralScience #Therapy #Counseling #PsychologicalFlexibility

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0HIr9VTrEIiasV5Wzs9BPu?si=hyGwIDxxTd2aiedX81XZ4A