Tag: Counseling Manila

When We Treat Ourselves and Others Like Things

The problem is not that we describe people.
The problem begins when our descriptions become explanations.
Personality becomes a thing.
Intelligence becomes a thing.
Diagnosis becomes a thing.
Attachment becomes a thing.
Before we know it, we stop asking what happened and start assuming we know what someone is.
We begin treating ourselves and others as things to be fixed rather than people to be understood.

The Importance of Context

We often assume behavior comes from who people are.
But some of psychology’s most influential thinkers argued that behavior can only be understood within the dynamic contexts in which it occurs.
“No simple mechanistic law relating particular stimuli to particular responses is possible, given that behaviors are always embedded in dynamic contexts that alter and constrain their effects.”
— Kurt Lewin (1951), quoted in Ross & Nisbett, The Person and the Situation (1991)
Context does not explain everything.
But without context, we often explain very little.

Ano Ba Ang Love?

faKung ang love ay hindi pagiging bulag sa reality,
at hindi rin simpleng feeling na nawawala sa unang disappointment,
ano nga ba ito?
Love is a context where two people can build a meaningful life together.
Hindi ito dahilan para manatili sa takot, pananakit, o abuse.
Pero hindi rin ito isang bagay na basta na lang iniiwan dahil naiinis tayo, nadidismaya, o nahihirapan sa ating differences.
Every meaningful relationship will have moments when the distance between two people feels hard to cross.
Hindi kawalan ng mga moments na iyon ang love.
Love is creating a life where crossing that distance remains worthwhile.
Isang buhay na binubuo ng tiwala, respeto, at shared purpose.
Hindi perpektong buhay.
Hindi madaling buhay.
Pero isang buhay na maipagmamalaki nating ibahagi.
At isang buhay na may kakayahang magdagdag ng kaunting kabutihan sa mundong ating ginagalawan.

What Is Love?

If love is not blindness that ignores reality,

and not merely a feeling that disappears at the first sign of disappointment,

then what is love?

Love is a context in which two lives can be lived meaningfully together.

It is not a reason to remain where there is violence, fear, or abuse.

But neither is it something we abandon simply because we are irritated, disappointed, or confronted by our differences.

Every meaningful relationship will contain moments when the distance between two people feels difficult to cross.

Love is not the absence of those moments.

Love is the creation of a life where crossing them remains worthwhile.

A life built with enough trust, respect, and shared purpose that both people can stand within it with dignity.

Not a perfect life.

Not an effortless life.

But one rich enough to be shared with pride,

and generous enough to contribute something good to the world beyond itself.

Is Love a Feeling?

Some people stay in relationships long after they have stopped asking whether a meaningful life can be built there.
Others leave at the first sign of difficulty, assuming that the absence of excitement means love has ended.
Love requires effort.
But effort cannot make every relationship workable.
And the loss of butterflies does not mean a relationship is unworkable.
The challenge is learning the difference.

What does it mean to be perfect?

The word perfect comes from the Latin perfectus.
It originally meant complete.
Not flawless.
Not superior.
Not better than others.
Complete.
The problem-solving mind spends much of its time convincing us that something is missing.
Yet before we were successful or unsuccessful, admired or rejected, confident or insecure, we were already human.
Perhaps perfection is not becoming someone else.
Perhaps it is living fully as the person you already are.
You are not an unfinished human waiting for permission to exist.

When Doing Right Ends Up Feeling Wrong

There is a common assumption that change in therapy means stopping the wrong thing and starting the right thing.

But sometimes the very thing you’re trying to do to improve becomes a reminder of what you’ve struggled to stop doing.

The new habit reminds you of the old one.

The exercise reminds you of past failures.

The goal reminds you of how far you still have to go.

And when you inevitably stumble, it can feel less like learning and more like proof that change is impossible.