“We are not meant to match.
We are meant to meet.”
— Starfly Chua
Better People, Better Country:
A Psychological Blueprint for a New Philippines
Living Healthily vs. Living Wisely
“We are often far more focused on who we are, when we would be wiser to focus on what we most deeply and enduringly desire.”
— Hank Robb
Can a Marriage Get Sick?
“People say things like, ‘We want a healthy marriage.’ Now, how can a marriage get sick? What is a virus that attacks a marriage? What we mean is we want a fulfilling marriage. We want something that our heart yearns for.”
– Hank Robb
Hank Robb spoke about the limits of the disease model in a recent interview with Nathaniel Chua. Watch the interview here:
onelifeonly.net/two-shrinks-over-drinks-navigating-wisdom-psychology-a-conversation-with-hank-robb/
Good Therapy vs. Identity Therapy
Good therapy should not turn suffering into identity.
Its goal is to help people reconnect with life, relationships, meaning, and workable action.
A Life Beyond Just Feeling Good
One unintended consequence of the prevailing disease or mental disorder model is that life slowly becomes a competition over who feels the best, the happiest, the most confident, or the least distressed.
But if feeling good were the ultimate purpose of living, we would expect our final tributes and epitaphs to celebrate people mainly for how good they felt about themselves.
We know that’s rarely the case.
Most obituaries are not about who felt the happiest.
They are about what people did.
How they loved.
What they built.
Who they helped.
What they stood for.
The Rules We Live By
We all follow rules.
It’s hard to live without them.
We have rules for how to apologize, how to love, even how to make coffee.
But psychological flexibility begins when we ask:
does this rule still work in this context?
For example:
“If I’m angry, I should stay silent until I calm down.”
Sometimes that rule prevents harm.
Sometimes it quietly becomes avoidance, distance, and emotional disconnection.
And sometimes the people around us follow very different rules about anger.
One person believes anger should be controlled and hidden.
Another believes anger should be expressed immediately and directly.
So the conflict is no longer just about the thing that made you angry.
Now you begin fighting about how a person is supposed to be angry.
A good rule is not one that is obeyed no matter what.
A good rule is one that stays sensitive to context.
Better People, Better Country
Contextual Behavioral Science is about helping individuals adapt more effectively to the contexts they live in — while also helping societies build contexts that empower individuals to thrive.
It is an approach to understanding human behavior that can be applied far beyond therapy:
toward better people for a better country,
and a better country for better people.
The Goals of Therapy
Good therapy is not just endless explanatory self-reflective discourse.
At some point, therapy should help people reconnect with life — not simply become more sophisticated at analyzing themselves.
Panel Discussion on Scaling Up Contextual Behavioral Science from Individuals to Societies
This video features a discussion hosted by Nathan Chua (One Life Only Counseling) with guests Eugene (an ACT practitioner and psychiatrist from Malaysia) and Jacob (a licensed counselor from Wisconsin).
Panel Discussion on Scaling Up Contextual Behavioral Science from Individuals to Societies
In this session, the panel explores how the principles of Contextual Behavioral Science (CBS) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be transitioned from individual clinical work to addressing broader societal issues. The discussion covers personal journeys into CBS, the role of language (Relational Frame Theory), and how system design can promote natural cooperation.
Key Topics & Timestamps:
[00:00] – Introductions and the personal journeys of Nathan, Eugene, and Jacob into ACT and CBS.
[18:01] – Scaling CBS: What changes when we move from helping individuals to influencing societies?
[22:42] – The different “spheres” of society: Cultural, technological, and political dynamics.
[24:21] – Marketing and RFT: How advertisers use behavioral science (often unconsciously) for capitalistic aims.
[30:58] – Human evolution and the challenge of cooperating in large populations vs. small groups.
[35:45] – System Design: Creating contexts where cooperation feels natural rather than coerced.
[41:59] – Observations from Malaysia: How “thought speak” and undercurrents of language influence racial dynamics and policy.
[52:44] – The decline of trust in modern societies and how RFT explains the shifting function of government.
[01:05:07] – Dreaming of Change: Practical ideas for reform in transportation, education, and academia using a CBS lens.
Panelists:
Nathan Chua: Author and Counselor based in Metro Manila, Philippines.
Eugene Koh: Psychiatrist and ACT practitioner from Malaysia.
Jacob Martinez: Licensed Professional Counselor from Wisconsin, USA.
Resources Mentioned:
The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert
ProSocial by Paul Atkins, David Sloan Wilson, and Steven C. Hayes
Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam
1984 by George Orwell (regarding “Newspeak”)
Better People, Better Country by Nathaniel/Starfly Chua
Two Shrinks Over Drinks: Navigating Wisdom & Psychology: A Conversation with Hank Robb
How can we move beyond just being “healthy” to living wisely?
In this episode of “Two Shrinks Over Drinks,” Nathan Chua sits down with Dr. Hank Robb, a seasoned psychotherapist from Portland, Oregon, and a prominent voice in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Relational Frame Theory (RFT).
Together, they dive deep into the philosophy of behaviorism, the limitations of the DSM “disease model,” and how small groups can drive large-scale societal change. Hank shares his unique perspective on making complex psychological concepts simple, digestible, and—most importantly—actionable for everyday life.
Key Topics Discussed:
[05:13] Technical Eclecticism: Why it’s okay to use diverse techniques but vital to stay grounded in a consistent theory.
[13:00] The Power of “We”: Moving from joint attention to joint intention in therapy and relationships.
[16:14] Creative Hopelessness: Understanding the transformation of stimulus functions—when letting go of a failing strategy opens the door to new opportunities.
[30:08] Misunderstandings of B.F. Skinner: A look at Skinner’s naturalism and why his denial of “supernaturalism” made him a controversial figure.
[53:30] Errors vs. Illness: Why focusing on “wisdom” and “wise choices” is often more helpful than traditional diagnostic labeling (DSM).
[01:03:00] Scaling Change: How principles from Eleanor Ostrom and small, value-driven groups can influence communities and even entire countries.
About Hank Robb: Hank Robb, Ph.D., ABPP, is the author of Willingly ACT for Spiritual Development. He is known for his ability to translate the dense language of RFT into practical metaphors that help clients “willingly acknowledge, willingly choose, and willingly teach.”
About the Host: Nathan Chua is a counselor based in Quezon City, Philippines, and the author of Better People, Better Country.
Connect with us:
www.onelifeonly.net
https://onelifeonly.net/order-the-book/ #ACT #Psychology #BehavioralScience
#MentalHealth #Wisdom #HankRobb #RelationalFrameTheory #Counseling #TwoShrinksOverDrinks
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7vnTD2k876ZMhfRi9A8VPn?si=SqFBTbaKSdek3pnVqSVrng